


If you’re lost, you can look and you will find me

by maplestreet83



Series: when summer's gone, where will we be? [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Don't worry, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Late Night Conversations, Trauma, but it does have a nice ending, max opens up to lucas in the aftermath of s3, so it's not all angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23332036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maplestreet83/pseuds/maplestreet83
Summary: July of 1985 goes on and Lucas waits for Max to be ready to talk. On one suffocatingly warm night she calls his supercom.
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair
Series: when summer's gone, where will we be? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1662760
Comments: 5
Kudos: 51





	If you’re lost, you can look and you will find me

Almost two weeks had passed since Independence Day and the July heat was just getting worse. The sticky and weighty heat lingered through the long summer days and into the evenings, the sun going down giving barely any relief. It was one of those nights now, the air humid and heavy, making sweat gather on Lucas's brow even though his bedroom window was open and the ceiling fan above his bed was on. He groaned in frustration, kicking off the rest of his covers as he tried to fall asleep. It was like a sauna in here! As the thought passed through his brain, Lucas froze, his stomach dropping as a wave of dread crashed over him. No, don't think about that. Don't think about the sound of broken glass, broken tile, broken brick, not about the deranged screams and growls of the monster inside Billy, not about the panicked squeals and yells from El as she was being held by her throat, the life slowly draining out of her right there in front of their eyes. Don't think about how utterly small and useless he had felt standing there with nothing but a little slingshot, feeling like he was that helpless twelve-year-old in the science classroom again. 

Lucas ran his hands over his face, trying to block out his racing thoughts. He was doing that an awful lot these days, trying to push the memories away, to try and forget. Because he had had it easy, he had no black eye, no loved one left dead, the worst he had gotten was getting grounded for two weeks. He could handle this, like he had twice before already. Sitting up a bit, he reached for a glass of water on his nightstand, cursing under his breath as he realized it was empty. Flopping back onto the bed, he stared up at the turning fan blades above him, debating if he had the energy to walk down the hall to the bathroom to fill the glass with water. But before he could decide, he heard the staticky noise of his supercom. Sitting up to lean on his elbows, Lucas squinted, looking across the dark room at where it lay on his desk. Who could it be this late?

“Lucas, do you copy?” a voice crackled through the line and Lucas furrowed his brow in confusion. 

"It's Max. Sorry I'm calling so late I just…”

"I think I'm ready to talk now," she concluded, and Lucas could hear her letting out a sigh before she shut off the line. He got up from the bed, walking over to his desk to pick up the supercom. He weighed it in his hand for a moment, debating what to say. They hadn’t really talked much, with him being grounded and stuck at his house, and with everything she was dealing with. She had said she needed time, and he had given it. Opening and closing his mouth a couple of times, Lucas tried to figure out what to say, his finger hovering over the call button of the supercom. 

“I copy,” he finally said, clearing his throat immediately after as his voice was groggy because of the late night and a day of doing nothing but sitting alone in his room and playing video games.

“Shit, sorry, did I wake you up?” Max asked, her voice sounding apologetic and nervous, Lucas could practically see her gritting her teeth and gripping onto her walkie. 

“No, I wasn’t sleeping yet, it’s fine,” he assured her.

“Too hot to fall asleep, you know," he added.

"Yeah," Max said and then there was silence on the line, Lucas waiting for her to say something more. When she didn't, he cleared his throat again, pressing the call button. 

"So, um… What do you want to talk about? Anything in particular or just…"

"I don't know. I just know that I have to get out of the house. What are you doing right now?" 

Lucas's eyes went wide at the question. It wasn't super late, but still after 10 pm, past his curfew. Oh and of course he was still grounded. 

"Well um, nothing? But I'm grounded, so I'm not sure I can go out or anything," he explained.

"Oh," Max voiced, sounding deflated. 

"Yeah, of course," she added, understanding and disappointment creeping into her voice and Lucas hurried to answer:

"I mean I guess I could get away with going outside for just a bit? My family is all asleep already, I could sneak out for a sec if you need to talk?" 

"It's fine, you don't need to get in trouble for me. I'll just call you some other day and…" Max spoke, but then her line cut off abruptly. 

"Max? Do you copy?" Lucas asked, confused as he sat down on the edge of his bed. There was nothing from her end and he repeated his question. Still nothing but static. Lucas got up from the bed again, starting to pace the length of his room, worry building in him. She'd said she needed to get out of her house. What if it was something serious? What if she was in trouble? 

"Max are you okay? Are you there?" he asked, his voice getting frantic and a little too loud considering how late it was. 

Suddenly the line crackled back to life. 

"Yeah, I copy, sorry about that," she said and Lucas wasn't sure but it sounded like she was out of breath. 

"What happened? Everything okay?" he asked, gripping the supercom in his hand. 

"Yeah, it was just…" she hesitated, taking a breath. 

"The funeral was today. And Neil is… just being worse. So I had to get out of there for a bit." 

"Oh," Lucas voiced, not sure what to say to that. Her words caught up to him a second later and he continued:

"Wait, you left your house? Where are you now?" 

"I'm on my way there now. You don't have to leave the house if you don't want to, I'll just come sit in your yard or something, I just have to talk to someone."

"It's okay, I'll… I'll meet you outside, I'm sure I can sneak out," Lucas assured her, his mind already at work, trying to decide the best course of action to take. Should he risk it and leave through the front door? Or through the back patio? There was also his window? 

"Thanks," Max said, pausing but not shutting off the line, and Lucas could hear the sound of her bike tires hitting the pavement, the creaks of the pedals. 

"I'll see you there, over," she said after a minute.

"See you, over," Lucas echoed and then shut off the supercom, laying it back down on top of the dresser. He reached down to grab the t-shirt he had thrown on the floor earlier and put on some shorts and shoes and then he was out the room, quietly tiptoeing through the house and towards the back door. The night air hitting him was still hot and humid, but there was just the slightest breeze that made it feel a little more bearable. Lucas rounded to the front of the house, pushing his hands into his pockets as he stood to wait on the driveway, glancing over his shoulder at the house behind him, watching the dark windows to check if anyone had woken up. Didn't look like it. As he waited, his eyes fixed on the end of the road where Maple Street and Cherry Street met. He was thinking back to what Max had said, how tense and on edge she had sounded. Billy's funeral had been today, he remembered it now. There had been so many of those the past two weeks, so many people around town, the checkout lady at Big Buy, the Hawkins Post editor, the little kid who lived near Dustin, all dead. And all those without even mentioning… Lucas pressed his eyes closed tight, pushing the thought away again. They were for El and Max and Joyce to mourn, not him. 

It wasn't long until Max rounded the corner, cycling fast on her bright yellow BMX bike, making her way towards him, ducking in and out of the splotches of yellow light cast by the street lights. Her face was plank, serious, and Lucas couldn't read it. Was she pissed? Tired? Scared? Max hit the breaks with a screech as she got to the end of the driveway, stopping her bike. 

"Hi," she said simply, setting her feet down on the ground, her hands still grasping the handlebars. 

"Hi," Lucas echoed and didn't say more, waiting for her to speak like she'd told him she wanted to. Max bit her lip, her fingers gripping tight onto the handles of her bike.

“So you umm, want to talk here or?” Lucas spoke up as she still didn’t say anything.

“I don’t know, don’t want to wake up your family,” Max replied, looking up at the house behind him.

“Well there’s the park on Elm? Could go there for a bit?” Lucas suggested.

“Okay, sure,” Max said bluntly with a shrug, already going to turn her bike around in preparation and Lucas went over to pick up his bike from where it was laying on the grass where he had last left it. 

“This way,” he said as he got on the bike and then they were quiet as they biked along the empty street, the only sound the steady tick of the turning bicycle wheels, the warm and sleepy neighborhood quiet around them. On nights like these, you could never guess all the horrible things that had happened in this town. 

The park on Elm wasn't much, just a couple of picnic tables and a swing set amongst a clearing of trees between houses. But it would do. Lucas jumped off his bike, going to set it down and Max did the same and walked straight towards one of the picnic tables. She climbed up to sit on the table, her feet on the bench and leaned forward, her elbows on her knees, running her hands over her face. Lucas slowly walked closer to her, still keeping his istance to give her room to form her words. He settled to stand by the swings, leaning against the metal pole. Max sighed, straightening her back and then she finally spoke into the hot and clammy night air. 

"Yeah, so um, the funeral was today.” 

"How did it go?" Lucas asked, tentative, already having a feeling of how she was going to answer. 

"Oh you know, just great!” Max said in faked enthusiasm, her voice tense as she threw her hands up. 

“There were all these relatives of Neil's packed into a community center where the AC wasn't working and I had to listen to the pastor talk about the "unfortunate tragic accident" that killed him and not say anything about it. And everyone was whispering and sharing their theories about what _really_ happened and I just had to sit there and stuff my face with gross warm egg salad sandwiches to keep me from yelling at them that they have no idea what the hell they're talking about!” she continued, frustration clear in every syllable, her voice loud. She buried her face in her hands again.

"I'm just so sick of lying all the time! I feel like I'm being suffocated or something!” she yelled out, pressing her fingers onto her temples, her eyes screwed shut. Lucas just stood in place, watching her, wondering if he should say something. 

After a while Max spoke again, her voice quieter now, less mad, more sad. 

“Ever since the Fourth, Neil has been furious, trying to find someone, anyone to blame for Billy’s death. He’s tried to go after the mayor, Starcourt, the government, the police department, and today after we got back from the funeral he was at it again, trying to reach this guy he knows at the fire department to find out what really happened that night. He’d started drinking even before the funeral and when we got back home he was just getting even more drunk, yelling on the phone, demanding answers. And the whole time I’ve been just sitting in my room, waiting for him to burst through that door. For him to finally realize the truth.”

“What truth?” Lucas asked, confused.

“That it was all my fault! I was at the mall that night and I’m not allowed to tell him why and what happened there, so it’s only a matter of time until he figures it out!” Max yelled out, but this time her voice was more scared and guilt-ridden than anything.

“But it’s not your fault, Max,” Lucas said, his words genuine as he took a step towards her. Because of course it wasn’t her fault. Why would she even think that?

“Isn’t it though?” Max asked, her voice getting higher as she turned to look at him.

“In the end, El was able to get through to Billy, to talk to him. I should’ve done the same thing before things got so bad.”

“But you did try it, twice!” Lucas reminded her but she just shook her head, turning to look away again.

“Yeah but I should’ve tried harder! I should’ve realized something was off with him from the start, I should’ve listened to El when she said she felt something wasn’t right with him. But I was so in denial, I didn’t want her to be right, I didn’t want it to be him, and I didn’t believe it right away and look what happened because of that! If I had talked to him right away, gotten through to him like El did, he’d still be alive! And so would all those people!” she explained, her voice getting more desperate by the minute. 

“When we were at the funeral home the other day I saw Mrs. Peters. You know, the Home Ec teacher? Apparently her husband was one of the flayed, and she was there with her kids, trying to make arrangements for his funeral. And it made me realize that they don’t even have a body to bury! Her husband was possessed and formed into a part of a grotesque monster and they have no idea and they will never be allowed to know what happened to him, they just think he died in some crazy gas pipe explosion! And I wanted to tell her how sorry I was, wanted to tell her what really happened. But then again I didn’t because that would just be cruel and maybe she is better off thinking he died in an unfortunate accident. No one deserves to have to know that a person close to them died the way he did.”

“But in any case, if I had just tried a little more, if I had managed to get through to Billy before it was too late, before he could possess all those people like Mr. Peters, then they would all be alive now!” Max spoke and as she did, her expression shifted from one of annoyance and anger to one of regret and pained anguish as she went from gesturing with her hands in frustration to folding in on herself, her head turning down as tears started to form in her eyes. 

“Hey,” Lucas said, his voice quiet and gentle as he made her way to her, sitting down next to her on the picnic table. She was full on crying now, hugging herself and squeezing her eyes shut. 

“It’s not your fault Max. It really isn’t,” he started.

“Of course you didn’t want to believe he was possessed, but then when we found out he was, you tried to help him, tried to talk to him and get him to stop. But he was possessed by a literal monster so there is no point in blaming yourself for not getting through to him. You did the best you could do, what any of us could do,” Lucas continued, trying his best to reason with her, to talk her down from her panic. She hiccupped, keeping on crying and Lucas felt his heart break seeing it, and he tried his best to think of what to say, what to do that wouldn’t cross any lines. Because he wasn’t sure what they even were anymore. Was he her boyfriend? Or even a friend? Figuring that right now calming her down was more important than those labels, he reached his hand out for her, setting it lightly on her upper back.

“It’s not your fault,” he repeated, his words weighty as he looked at her and she finally turned her face to meet his gaze, her eyes bleary from tears. 

“It’s not,” he repeated, looking at her straight in the eye, trying his all to get through the guilt and regret in them. He was half-expecting her to brush him off, to lean away but she didn’t, letting out a shaky breath, the tension in her shoulders easing just a bit as she leaned against his side, dropping her head against his shoulder, exhaustion radiating off of her. Exhaustion of carrying all this guilt and sadness and regret with her, bottling it up. He could see it was slowly starting to drain away from her, with every shaking breath she let out into the warm night air and the two of them stayed silent, Lucas gently rubbing her back, letting her know he was there.

The silence stretched on and Lucas started to wonder if he should say something, glancing over at Max, seeing she was looking forward, thinking. 

“I’m sorry,” she said after a couple more silent minutes. Lucas furrowed his brow in confusion.

“Max, what happened is really not your fault, you don’t have to apologize,” Lucas assured her again. 

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Max said, shaking her head, wiping at her wet eyes, leaning away from him. She looked down, worrying her hands in her lap.

“I need to apologize to  _ you _ ,” she said.

“I’ve been treating you like shit.”

“What? No you…” Lucas started to assure her but Max shook her head again, cutting him off.

“Yeah I have. I was so caught up with trying to help El, I just completely ignored you and lumped you in with that whole situation. And there was really no reason for me to treat you that way. And I think I went and broke up with you again but I don't even know over what I did that for, or when exactly. I didn't even tell you I did. Are we even together now?"

She turned to look at Lucas and he just shrugged, cause he honestly didn't know. 

"See, a decent girlfriend would at least have the common courtesy to tell you when we're broken up. Not this unclear mess,” Max said in frustration, dropping her head onto her hands again. 

"Well to be fair, there was a lot going on that week, there wasn't much time to talk about stuff like this,” Lucas pointed out.

"Yeah, but we still could've made time. I should've. I wasn't mad at you after the hospital, you know. But I still didn't talk to you or apologize to you. I was just so stubborn I guess, didn't want to admit that the way I had treated you wasn't right.” 

Max took a deep breath, turning to face him better.

"But I'm admitting it now. I've been treating you like garbage. And not only for that week, but before that too. Breaking up with you over all those dumb things? Treating you like air one minute and wanting you to hang out with me the next? Spying on you with El? Those were all such shitty things to do. And I’m really sorry.”

“It’s just that…” she paused, looking down.

“When I did dump you, you’d always do something sweet to get me back and… I guess that I… it was fun.”

“You know, I would’ve done that stuff anyway. If you’d asked,” Lucas pointed out. 

“Really?” Max asked, her voice vulnerable and hopeful.

“I mean, yeah. I like doing nice stuff for you, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you’re dating?” Lucas said, unsure. As much as he’d like to pretend and say he was an expert on this relationship stuff - especially when he was talking to Mike - he really didn’t know much. He wasn’t sure what you were supposed to do in a relationship. For them it had been Max getting pissed at him, and then him coming up with something nice to win her back with and then they’d repeat. But maybe that wasn’t how it was supposed to be?

“I guess,” Max said sounding a little sad again.

“But that shows again how I really haven’t been a good girlfriend. I haven’t been thinking about that at all. I’ve just been… Hell, I don’t even know what I’ve been thinking honestly,” she settled on.

“I have no clue how to do any of this. This relationship stuff, I suck at it.”

“Me too,” Lucas said and Max turned to look at him, a tiny smile appearing on her face. 

“We really are a couple of idiots,” she said, a laugh in her tone as she slowly shook her head, looking down at her shoes again.

“Sure are,” Lucas agreed. And then they fell into a silence again, but this time the air between them felt a little lighter, cleared up by their words.

“What you want to do now then?” Max asked after a while.

“Well it’s getting late so I need to start heading home soon so my parents don’t notice I’m gone,” Lucas answered, looking down at his watch, seeing it was nearing 11 pm.

“I don’t mean right now,” Max corrected him, looking at him in exasperated amusement.

“Huh?”

“I mean, what are we going to do with this whole dating thing now?”

“Oh, well um…” Lucas started, not sure what to say. What were you supposed to say to that? He liked her, like, really really liked her. And despite the dumping and all that, he’d really liked being her boyfriend. But maybe she didn’t want to anymore, after everything that had happened, with all the shit she was dealing with. Maybe he should play it cool, let her make the decision for herself.

“I mean, if you want to…” he said, his sentence trailing off, waiting her to speak up. He really wanted her to say yes. Max was looking forward, her hands gripping tightly onto the edge of the picnic table. 

“It’s whatever with me, you know, if you’d rather…” she said and Lucas hurried to speak too, them starting to talk over each other in hurried, nervous starts of sentences, just to fill the silence that had become deafening just now.

“Yeah me too, it’s cool either way, I…

“Exactly, it’s all cool if you don’t…

“Yeah, cool cool.”

“Totally.”

“Cool,” Lucas said, surprised when Max didn’t continue talking. Instead she turned to glance at him from the corner of her eye, biting down on her lip.

“Yeah,” she said after a pause, the word quiet as it slipped out from between her lips. Lucas furrowed his brow, confused of what she meant.

“Yes,” she repeated, a little louder this time.

“I want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend again,” she elaborated and Lucas could feel a wave of relief wash over him. 

“Woah, that’s great, cause um… I want that too,” he managed to get out, suddenly feeling extremely shy about all this. 

“Yeah?” Max asked, the relief he was feeling also there in her voice.

“Yeah,” he replied, stealing a look at her from the corner of his eye, seeing she was glancing at him too. A small, excited smile lifted up the corner of her lips then and she looked away, looking at the dark park with its swing set and trees. But then Lucas could feel her hand moving to touch his on the table, her pinky finger winding around his lightly. And now it was him who couldn’t look at her, feeling a smile spreading on his face and his cheeks heating up. And it had nothing to do with the warm night air.

**Author's Note:**

> Hoped you enjoyed reading this! I've been working on this fic literally since last July, thinking about it and rewriting it. I have so many thoughts about Max and where she is at after season three and I wanted to make sure I portrayed them correctly. Grief is a difficult thing, especially with how complicated her situation is. I really hope the writers don't just brush it off next season, there really is so much room for character moments and growth for her. Let's hope the show does her justice and that it brings back the more sincere and supportive nature of her and Lucas's relationship from season two! [also want to make it very clear that i am not a b*lly apologist in any way, his death didn't erase all the horrible things he did and his past doesn't excuse them, it just explains them]


End file.
